WELCOME, LETS WHINE...
If you're here you obviously have a lot on your plate, or you don't - we all have different reasons to feel down and just need someone to vent to. Welcome! This is a no judgement zone. Everything will be kept anonymous. Say what you want when you want and don't have to worry about who will say what.
If you're like me, you probably struggle expressing yourself, you don't like vocalizing your feelings, you prefer to bottle everything in. I have become a pro at this. I wear this facade everyday and pretend everything is fine, when deep down inside Im crumbling. I've learnt to compartmentalize my feelings and move on with life - Ive been doing this for years now. On the outside I look like I'm doing great - until a few weeks ago I had a well paying full time job, I (still) have a "side hustle" thats blooming, I have a great group of friends, I volunteer in my spare time, i go to the gym (from time to time), Im dating , I enjoy Sunday Brunches with friends - you know - to any body else i look like i have my life together. And don't get me wrong I appreciate everything I have right now, I appreciate the friends Ive made along the way, the opportunities Ive been given, the experiences Ive had (both good and bad) I wouldn't be were I am today if it wasn't for all this - but theres just one thing that plays a major roll in this life of mine - High Functioning Anxiety and Depression.
Ive been struggling with HF Anxiety and Depression for over ten years now. I grew up being told depression is not a thing, its all in your mind - get over it. So I did. Whenever i was having an "episode" Id simply shake it off and move on and not really deal with were this feeling is coming from, what is triggering it in order to be able to work on fixing it next time - after all it was never "real", how can you fix somethings thats not broken. To cut a long story short (because i will probably go into detail in the next few blogs) years went by , i continued to ignore how i was feeling by keeping busy, i felt that was the only reason I was feeling what i was feeling was because i wasn't doing enough. I buried myself in books, hobbies, friends etc. But still never really shook this feeling, at the end of the day i enjoyed my solitude - i still do. I was confused, I still am - Ive been seeing a therapist now for a few years and its going well. When i first started seeing her, i told myself - 6months tops - Ill see this lady for 6months and all my problems would be solved, Id be a happier person, she would teach me how to love myself and be happy. 6months went by , a year went by, 2 years went by and i was still seeing (lets refer to her as Dr X). Dr X was amazing although she didn't give me the answer i was seeking, instead she was helping me to try figure things out with her assistance, she was "leading me to the water" but i had to do the drinking myself.
Years down the line Im still seeing Dr X (a new Dr X now as Ive moved numerous times since this whole thing started) . So to sum everything up (yes i went on a rant there, i tend to do that), I am still suffering intensely from this disorder but working through it day by day, its not easy and i don't expect anyone else to understand my current situation as We are all going through different things, but Im realizing that not opening up doesn't help the problem it just disguises. I have a great group of friends who are very supportive, we got this - One glass of wine at a time;)
Im opening up this platform for those of you who are were I am or have been, or just simply want to vent about legalizing marijuana, promoting gender equality and empowering women.
Enjoy Whining Ladies
PS: please feel free to create anon acc if you would like to comment on blog posts or what to add a post. You do not have to be a good writer or professional blogger, just be you! We will take you as you are!