Sorbet is the perfect food. It’s cool, refreshing and cleanses the palette. You only need a few bites to feel the weight of the bacon cream cheese gnocchi lift and even though you swore 30 minutes ago that you’d never be able to eat again, you are ready for coffee and a nice dessert.
It’s magic and probably made of unicorns.
The “sorbet relationship” is EXACTLY the same.
It’s a quick and sweet relationship that sounds a little too good to be true. You found a man who is so kind and compassionate that he makes you feel completely comfortable. He isn’t freaked out when you talk about your ex, and hugs you tight when things get a little emotional. But he’s just slutty enough to know that a relationship isn’t likely, which makes you feel ok about sleeping together a little too soon and getting a little freakier than you did with your ex. Because you feel alive dammit!!
You part ways when things get a bit intense or you realize that although sweet, you have absolutely nothing in common.
The beautiful thing is post-sorbet you feel happy being single, you cherish the time you have alone and since you stopped blabbering about your shitty ex to your girl friends during your fling, they are actually willing to hang out with you again. (it’s a sorbet miracle!)
If you’re just getting over a breakup, get off the internet and go find one of these. Actually, get back on the internet and find one on Tinder. These people live there!
Here are a few quick tips to make sure your sorbet relationship is perfect, refreshing and gets the job done.
Get super fit
It’s likely if you’re not meeting this person on Tinder or PlentyofFish (the mecca for sorbet relationships) you’re meeting them in downward dog a yoga class, or stretching after spin. There is something engorging (you know what I mean) about meeting someone when you are sweaty and half dressed that makes the primal sexuality of a sorbet relationship work. He will make you feel like a sex goddess when he unabashedly stares at your ass and makes you late for work by tearing off your clothes before you leave for work in the morning, because he just had to have you. Try a new gym or take a surfing class and buy a few super-hot pairs of yoga pants. Invest in your health and it will pay off when the guy at the smoothie bar slips you his phone number.
Near the end of relationships, good and bad, we often make sacrifices and compromises that we normally wouldn’t in order to save the relationship. Take back some of those things that you lost. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want in this new relationship. You’ve got nothing to lose since it probably isn’t going anywhere. Don’t compromise your friendships to see him, don’t compromise your own personal goals to do something “for the good of your partnership”. This relationship is all about you, and you know what is amazing, he totally agrees.
Explore your sexuality
This is where sorbet relationships get super fun. Sex with your ex was boooooring. Because it was relationship sex. This is selfish, passionate, over-the-top sex and you should take it as far as you want. Try new things that might have been embarrassing or difficult in a committed longterm relationship. Bring toys into the bedroom, give anal sex a serious try, use his smooth pickup skills to invite that cute girl you’ve been eyeing into the bedroom. There is no reason not to and you will learn about your own sexuality and what you love (and don’t) without having to worry about the implications it could have on a serious relationship. If you’re still holding on to insecurities and doubts, bang it out. That’s what a sorbet is for.
Get out before it gets weird
The most important rule of sorbet relationships is Have an Exit Plan.
Know your limits and decide for yourself when you’ll need to walk away. This usually corresponds to a shift in your “expectations”. When you find yourself wondering why he hasn’t called or whether he will be your date to an upcoming wedding, end things. He will quickly begin to disappoint when you change the rules of engagement without telling him and hold him up to the standard of a boyfriend rather than a casual fling. I’m sure he would be a great boyfriend to someone, but that’s not what you’re here for. But be proud of yourself. It means you might be ready for a great and fulfilling relationship. Holy crap! What a 180 from the place you were in when you and sorbet met.
There is a huge difference between a sorbet which leaves you refreshed and ready for the next course, and ice cream, which leaves you bloated, covered in chocochunks and regret. Don’t make that mistake.